And now . . . this - Feb. 2/05

Bottoms up!

OK, this is just bizarre:

Investigators say a Lake Jackson woman caused her husband's death by giving him a sherry enema, causing his blood alcohol level to surge to 0.47 percent - almost six times the legal intoxication limit.

Tammy Jean Warner, 42, was indicted on a charge of negligent homicide. She is also charged with burning the will of her late husband, Michael Warner, a month before his death in May.

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Sounds like premeditation rather than negligence to me. Well, I suppose the truth will come out in the end.

Just a good ol' boy, never meanin' no harm

Sutter County supervisors have removed from office a planning commissioner appointed just a month ago, the same day he attended his first meeting. Gabrial Singh's offense?

He called Sutter County "Hazzard County" from the "Dukes of Hazzard" television show last year while running against two of the supervisors, who voted 4-1 to remove him Tuesday.

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Heck, he was just fightin' the system like a modern-day Robin Hood.

Hee hee! Monkey.

Supposedly, this has something to do with autism research. I find myself strangely skeptical.

A new study found that male monkeys will give up their juice rewards in order to ogle pictures of female monkey's bottoms. The way the experiment was set up, the act is akin to paying for the images, the researchers say.

The rhesus macaque monkeys also splurged on photos of top-dog counterparts, the high-ranking primates. Maybe that's like you or me buying People magazine. . . .

The scientists actually had to pay these guys, in the form of extra juice, to get them to look at images of lower-ranking monkeys.

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Now, every day when I wake up, I will thank God that I don't have to make my living shooting monkey porn.