Superman Saturday: Ain't it a shame about the radium rain?

Clark Kent and Lois Lane are in New Birmingham to interview Lois' uncle, meteorologist Horace Morton, who has a supposedly foolproof method for predicting the weather. They soon learn, however, that he has discovered a means to control the weather, and is being used by a criminal syndicate to aid them in their crimes.

Dr. Morton was also aiding a local radium refinery to find a new process for refining pitchblende ore. When Clark and Lois discover his assistant dead, with a handful of pitchblende, the police arrest Morton for murder. However, the syndicate actually committed the murder, and also abducted Morton from the jail . . .

Superman Saturday: Robbery, assault and battery

Clark and Lois are assigned to interview Lois' uncle, meteorologist Horace Morton, at his observatory outside the town of New Birmingham. Morton has an uncanny ability to predict the weather with near-perfect accuracy, and Perry White wants to know how.

However, there is apparently also a connection between Dr. Morton's predictions and a crime spree in New Birmingham. Morton's assistant Elmer Rogers knows something but is afraid to let Clark and Lois know what he knows in Morton's presence. Then, during a freak hailstorm, Lois and Clark hear a gunshot, and discover Rogers dead . . .

Episode 54: Horace Morton's Weather Machine, Part 3 (1940/06/14)

Listen!

Clark and Lois examine the body of Elmer Rogers, and Clark finds the gun that was used to shoot him. Just then, Dr. Morton comes in. He behaves quite erratically: he suggests that the fatal wound was self-inflicted, and despite Clark's warning he picks up the gun and examines it as if tampering with a crime scene is the most normal thing in the world. When Clark tells him to call the police, he questions whether they need to be involved.

Superman Saturday: Raindrops keep falling on my head

Aaaand . . . we're back, after a one-week hiatus. This week: a new Superman adventure: "Horace Morton's Weather Machine." So, without further ado . . .

Episode 52: Horace Morton's Weather Machine, Part 1 (1940/06/10)

Listen!

Clark Kent and Lois Lane are called into Perry White's office with a new assignment. Dr. Horace Morton is a leading private meteorologist with an uncanny accuracy—"practically 100 percent correct," as Perry puts it—but he refuses to reveal his prediction system. He also happens to be Lois' uncle, so Perry wants her to take advantage of the family relationship to try and soak him for his secret. (I'm sure there's a conflict of interest involved here, but this is a children's program, so we don't have to worry about such trivial matters as journalistic ethics.) Lois is reluctant, but relents, and she and Clark drive to the town of New Birmingham, where Morton lives at an observatory atop Music Mountain with his man Friday, Elmer Rogers. "Give my regards to Uncle Horace," snarks Perry.

Superman Saturday: Treasure, that is what you are, honey, you're my golden star

Here we go again! We're on the home stretch of "Alonzo Craig, Arctic Explorer."

Clark Kent is on assignment in the Arctic, in search of the missing explorer, the aforementioned Captain Craig. He and his navigator, Captain Walters (whose first name, we now learn, is Ike) have rescued fellow searchers Ray Martin, also of the Daily Planet, and Professor Peters, from the museum, from the Kunalaka Indians. Martin died shortly after revealing the location of the Indians' treasure hoard, hidden in a sunken temple carved into the Arctic ice. Clark, Peters, and Walters explore the temple, where Clark (as Superman) confronts the Kunalakas' never-dying medicine man—none other than Alonzo Craig himself, apparently gone mad. . . .

Superman Long Weekend: We come from the land of ice and snow

Happy Labour Day! There's nothing like a long weekend for relaxing, resting, and taking in the simple pleasure of a pulp radio serial. So we return to the adventures of Superman and "Alonzo Craig, Arctic Explorer."

Clark Kent has been dispatched to Ellesmere Island in the Arctic to determine the whereabouts of vanished Arctic explorer Alonzo Craig, or of fellow Daily Planet reporter Ray Martin and Professor Peters, who also disappeared after going in search of Craig. Captain Walters, Craig's crusty navigator, thinks the explorer might have discovered the Luck of the North, a vast treasure hoard possessed by a tribe of white-skinned Indians who live in the Arctic and are ruled by a witch doctor who is rumoured to never die.

In spite of a seemingly supernatural warning to stay away, Clark and Walters travel by dogsled and find an igloo that is the last known location of Martin and Peters. There, they are ambushed by the Indians, and Walters is injured. Clark changes to Superman and fights their attackers off. Inside the igloo, they find a mysterious clue to the fate of the previous search party . . .

Superman Saturday: The Flying North Remix

Since the last installment of Superman Saturday, it has been one year and two months, exactly. I was planning on kicking off a fresh "season" with the continuatino of "Alonso Craig, Arctic Explorer," but decided that since a) it's been so long, b) I've still got one or two more things to say about the radio series The Adventures of Superman, and c) I spent the night watching Peter Capaldi's starring debut on Doctor Who, I decided the easiest, most expedient, and smartest thing to do would be to remix and repost the first two episodes, then start fresh next weekend instead.

As I said last year: "Alonso Craig" is another of the "lost explorers discover mysterious natives with ancient treasure" kind of story that we seem to see recurring with early Superman. Of course it's not a unique trope: as I recall, Hergé did it two or three times with Tintin, as well, amongst others. Recycling story lines for the pulps is nothing new.

Without further ado, then, I re-presennt . . .

The deaths of Superman

You bruise, but you don't kill, do you . . . Clark? - Batman, Justice League: War

Everybody knows Superman is the Big Blue Boy Scout. Sure, he and Brainiac might level half of Metropolis while duking it out. In the end, though, he'll find a way to banish the villain without destroying him. Superman doesn't kill his enemies, except when he absolutely must, and even then it's a shocking and traumatic experience. Witness, for example, his reaction to killing Zod in Man of Steel, or even accidentally causing Doctor Light's death in last year's "Trinity War" story arc.¹

However, it wasn't always that way. Supes began his career as a bruiser, right from Superman #1 in 1939. In one story in that magazine, he kills a military torturer by flinging him over the horizon, then causes the death of an enemy pilot by wrecking his plane in midair.² The body count just goes up from there.

Clark Kent, badass

It can't be easy being Clark Kent.

It's very easy being Superman. Everyone knows he is an alien, possesses the powers of flight, super-strength, and super-speed, laughs at bullets, and sees through walls. And he doesn't wear a mask, so everyone assumes he has nothing to hide. Superman can do whatever amazing things he wants, and no one is surprised.

However, when Superman arrived on Earth, he was not quite ready to reveal himself to the world. He assumed the alias of Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter, so he could walk among its citizens unnoticed. Meanwhile, as an employee of a major metropolitan newspaper, he can observe the citizens of his new planet, know when his aid is needed, and has an excuse to get close to the action.

This occasionally—well, pretty frequently, actually—leaves Superman on the horns of a dilemma, or even a trilemma. Danger strikes, and Clark is faced with three options. One, he can dive into a nearby storeroom or phone booth, transform into Superman, and do what he does so well. However, he risks exposure. In the early 1940s, Superman is still a mystery man by choice. Two, he can remain in the guise of Clark Kent, meek everyman, and do nothing. This preserves his secret, and no one really expects better of Clark. Unfortunately, it's also out of character for someone who has "sworn to devote his existence on Earth to helping those in need," if he ignores those in need because it's inconvenient.

Option three—the one we hear so very often in radio's Adventures of Superman—is to take action as Clark Kent.

Superman Sunday: I'm flying north again

And we're back! It's been a long time since we did Superman Saturday (or Sunday), but with the recent release of Man of Steel, I felt sufficiently inspired to return to the series. Which, despite the dearth of posting, is actually pretty fun. (And I haven't seen the movie yet, BTW.)

We pick up the series with a new adventure. Indians! Lost explorers! Mystical powers! Treasure! Wait, have we seen this one before?

Death to Davros!

Whenever the current season of Doctor Who ends, I always feel a kind of withdrawal. I blame it on the peculiarities of British television scheduling: a long mid-season hiatus coupled with a smaller number of episodes per season.

Fortunately, there's no shortage of Doctor Who to be had in the meantime—the program has, after all, been broadcast (on and off) since 1963. So this year I've been feeding my hunger pangs with the old Fourth Doctor episodes, broadcast 1974–81. It's often said that a Doctor Who fan's favourite Doctor is always the first one they saw, and that's certainly true in my case (though David Tennant and Matt Smith did give Baker a run for his money!). I first discovered Doctor Who on Sunday afternoons on PBS, where the producers edited the episodes of each serial into a single program. Later, the same PBS station moved the Doctor to Saturday late-night. In the spirit of Serial Saturdays, watching Doctor Who was my weekend ritual from the age of about 13 to 20.

Ray Harryhausen (1920-2013)

Ray Harryhausen, the special-effects pioneer best known for stop-motion movie monsters, died this week at the ripe old age of 92.

Normally, on Saturdays, I would be blogging about old Superman radio shows. But Harryhausen is certainly within the spirit of Serial Saturdays. What weekend afternoon wouldn't be made better by a science-fiction double feature of Harryhausen's brilliant B-movies?

The first feature film with Harryhausen's effects that I saw was the redoubtable 1981 flick Clash of the Titans, his last film. However, my favourite of his is the alien-invasion movie Earth vs. the Flying Saucers, along with Dr. Cyclops, which I first saw in a university lecture hall in my first year in a course on science-fiction literature, of all places. Finally, my favourite scene of Harryhausen's is hands-down the skeleton battle from Jason and the Argonauts.

Ray Harryhausen's jerky stop-motion animation looks downright Stone Age next to today's digital animation. But it has what so much CGI really lacks: heart and charm. I'm not putting down digital effects in fact, after I finish writing this, I'm going to a friend's place to watch Captain America and The Avengers on his 3D TV. Unlike the digital action-fests we see today, though, which throw the resources of multiple effects companies and hundreds of employees at the visuals, Harryhausen's work was a true labour of love. Artists like him are few and far between now.

Superman Saturday: Intense, high explosive dynamite, pure dynamite

It is Easter weekend, but even if I get a four-day weekend, that doesn't mean Evil takes a holiday. Fortunately for Truth, Justice and the American way, neither does Superman. This week, we conclude the adventure of Buffalo Hills!

The story so far: Clark Kent has travelled to the Western state capital of Boulder City, to cover the unveiling ceremony of Buffalo Hills, a stand-in for Mount Rushmore. He is accompanied by naturalist and photographer Asa Hatch, who is also a freelance correspondent for the Daily Planet and friend of editor Perry White.

Pete Flores, a gangster that opposes the political reforms of state governor Al Carson, has already made several attempts on the life of Carson as well as an attempted shooting of Hatch. He tried to bomb Clark Kent's and Hatch's train while en route to Boulder City, but failed when his henchman was stopped by Superman. His inside man at the executive mansion, Carson's secretary Keegan, succeeded in having Hatch framed and jailed, although Clark evaded arrest. Later he turned himself in, hoping to break Hatch out, but instead became the cellmate of another of Flores' gang members, who revealed a plan to abduct and murder the governor.

As Superman, Clark broke out of jail and tried to warn the governor of the kidnapping plot, but had do knock him out and stuff him into his own closet, assuming his Superman persona and taking Carson's place in bed. As expected, Flores' goons broke into the mansion and, unaware that they had taken the wrong man, tried to kill Superman by throwing him off a bridge. Knowing that governor Carson was still in danger from Flores, Superman rushed back to the mansion only to find the closet empty . . .

Superman Saturday: Gonna make a jailbreak, oh how I wish that I could fly

Here we go again!

Clark Kent has accompanied naturalist and photographer Asa Hatch to a Western state to cover the unveiling of the Buffalo Hills national monument, a huge sculpture carved into the side of a mountain and commemmorating the American pioneers. However, the state's reformer governor, Alan Carson, has an enemy in Pete Flores, a gangster. A sniper in Flores' gang makes an attempt on Hatch's life in Metropolis, but fails, then dies when he shoots himself accidentally during a scuffle with Superman. Flores makes another attempt to kill Hatch and Clark Kent by having his goon Dutchy Ganz plant a bomb on their train car. Again, Superman foils the plot, finding the bomb just in time and throwing it safely away just before it explodes.

We pick up our story in Boulder City, the state capital, where Hatch and Clark have arrived . . .

Superman Saturday: Someone put the word on you, and I hope my aim is true

I got my first feedback to this series last week from Faithful Reader Warren:

The thing that I always find fascinating about early Superman is that the villains are way more human than superhuman. The only one like that left anymore is Lex Luthor.

I've noted this as well, at least indirectly. Superman himself is more human back in the early years: he can't fly, he doesn't have special vision (like X-ray or heat), and while bullets will bounce off his skin, he's not invulnerable. (By contrast, on The Adventures of Superman radio program, he has been able to fly and see through solid objects right from the beginning.) Hence his foes have also been more human: gangsters, saboteurs, and various other ne'er-do-wells.

Superman's first recurring enemy in Action Comics was the Ultra-Humanite, a bald, mad-scientist type in a wheelchair: not only less than superhuman, but a damaged human at that. Ultra was designed to be the opposite of Superman; instead of a heroic strongman, he is a crippled criminal, albeit a superior intellect (which enabled him to escape death by transplanting his brain into another person's). Lex Luthor was introduced about a year later, and Ultra-Humanite was dropped from Superman's rogue's gallery, since Siegel and Shuster decided Superman didn't need two bald archenemies. Like the Ultra-Humanite, Luthor is a regular human being, though gifted with superior intellect, and motivated from time to time by world domination or revenge against Superman.

It wasn't until the late 1950s that Supe's more superhuman or non-human enemies began to show up in the comics, beginning with the Kryptonian android Brainiac in 1958, at the start of the "Silver Age" of comic books. Others soon followed, including the Kryptonite-powered Metallo and Bizarro Superman. (A notable exception is the magical supervillain Mister Mzyzptlk, who first appeared in the early 1940s.) At this time, Superman himself was also being written as an increasingly powerful hero. My personal theory is that this is a bit of a feedback loop: a more powerful Superman needs more powerful enemies to pose a credible challenge; conversely, more powerful enemies require greater powers to defeat. It's no wonder DC Comics tried to scale back Superman's abilities since the 1980s.

We, of course, have the ability just to travel back in time to a point where Golden Age Newbie Superman still punched out baddies. And so, without further ado, let us travel back to 1940, and a new Superman adventure . . .

Superman Sunday: It's like a heatwave burning in my heart

When we last left our heroes: Clark Kent and Jimmy Olsen are in the Southwest, investigating a series of mysterious plane crashes at Bridger Field. After being nearly shot down and mauled by a circus gorilla, they finally arrived at the airfield. There, they discover that the disasters are connected with a Professor Hagen, the circus' animal trainer. However, Bridger Field's head Ed Hamlin has just gotten a visit from his boss, who says a "visitor" is expected within 48 hours. Clark and Jimmy sneak onto the circus grounds, where they discover the underground hideout of Hagen and his henchman, the Russian strongman Fodor. Clark, as Superman, defeats Fodor, as he and Jimmy overhear a cryptic weather report come over Hagen's radio. . . .

Superman Saturday: I hope the Russians love their children too

The story so far: Perry White has sent Clark Kent on assignment with Ed Hamlin of the National Air Service to Bridger Field, an airfield in the Southwest. His instructions are to investigate a number of mysterious and fatal transport plane crashes that have taken place in the past two weeks. As they fly their way west, they first discover that Jimmy Olsen has stowed away in Hamlin's plane; second, that another plane is following them, and trying to shoot them down. In the skirmish, Hamlin is seriously wounded by machine-gun fire.

As Superman, Clark successfully fends off their attackers, but their own plane is damaged. Clark manages to make an emergency landing alongside a railroad track, and they are picked up by a circus train en route to the Mexican town of Del Rio. However, the train's brakeman, Balto, is a suspicious figure in the pay of a Professor Hagen, the circus' animal handler—who is also behind the attack on Hamlin's plane and, presumably, the crashes at Bridger Field. (Note: In the previous instalment, I had called Hagen "Professor Egan," but these later episodes make it clear that he is in fact "Hagen." So, Professor Hagen he shall be henceforth.)

Acting on Hagen's instructions to get rid of Clark and Jimmy, Balto locks them in a car with an enraged gorilla. Jimmy escapes, and Clark/Superman fights the gorilla into submission, just before the train starts rolling again, leaving Jimmy behind. Clark also jumps train, hoping to find him in the desert . . .

Superman Saturday: Hero, lands the crippled airplane, solves great mysteries

When we last left our heroes, the program announcer was mispronouncing "Superman" as two words: "Super Man." As a new Superman adventure begins, he's still doing it. I think it's going to be some time before they get a new announcer that knows the right way to say the name of the most famous comic-book character in history. Meanwhile, however, sit back and enjoy . . .

Superman Saturday: Smoke on the water, fire in the sky

Local racketeer Chip Donelli takes protection money from the businesses along Spruce St., including the candy store run by Jimmy Olsen's mother. Clark Kent, as Superman, has attempted to "explain" to Donelli that this kind of activity is frowned upon in polite society; however, so far the application of violence has failed to knock sense into him. In retaliation for Clark's interference, Donelli abducted Lois Lane and brought her to a remote cabin. The plucky girl reporter quickly escaped, with a briefcase containing the records of Donelli's racketeering.

Donelli hopes that a brush fire, set accidentally by his henchman, Spike, will take care of Lois and the incriminating briefcase. Meanwhile, Clark and Perry White search, not only for Lois, but for Jimmy, who has disappeared into the forest . . .

Superman Saturday: On the sidewalk, sunny morning, lies a body oozin' life

It has been several months—nearly a year, actually—since we last tuned in to The Adventures of Superman. So here I am, on this chilly January day, cappuccino by my side, to bring us up to speed before digging into the continuation of "Donelli's Protection Racket."

The story so far

Episode 1 of "Donelli's Protection Racket" marks the debut of Superman's pal, Jimmy Olsen, the Daily Planet's 14-year-old copy boy. Jimmy confides in Clark Kent that his mother's candy store is being shaken down by local racketeer, Chip¹ Donelli, for protection money. After hiding in the store when Donelli's collector, Spike, arrives (and getting a punch on the jaw for his pains), Clark changes to Superman and follows Spike back to Donelli's hideout. Superman beats Donelli until he hands over all the protection money the Olsens have paid, then leaves.

In retaliation, Spike and another goon ambush the Olsens in a dark street after they close the store and go home. Superman arrives just in time to rescue them, As Clark, he promises to expose Donelli in the newspaper, and calls Lois Lane to sit with Mrs. Olsen, who passed out during the attack. After he leaves, Donelli calls the house posing as Clark, luring Lois and Jimmy out of the house . . .

Episode 29: Donelli's Protection Racket, Part 3 (1940/04/19)

Listen!

Clark informs editor Perry White what is going on, and White heartily approves of his exposé on Donelli's extortion racket. Amusingly, he launches into a rather jingoistic tirade about how people like Donelli don't deserve to live in a democracy, and are more deserving of life under a dictator with concentration camps. You can almost hear "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" playing in the background if you listen closely enough. (Historically, of course, World War II had then been raging for nearly 8 months, and although the United States would not get directly involved in combat for another year and a half, clearly the scriptwriters had some strong opinions about Hitler and friends.)

Just then, Jimmy rushes in and reports that Lois Lane has been captured by Donelli's men, though he didn't fall for the ruse and escaped. Clark quickly makes himself scarce, and jumping out of a handy window (yay!), streaks away to Donelli's house to try and rescue Lois. In Donelli's office, he grabs an unfortunate goon and tries to beat Donelli's location out of him, but before he talks, the goon dives out a third-story window to his demise. Noticng a crowd gathering, Superman escapes out the back.

One of these days, I'm going to throw together a sort of damage tote board for Superman: running up his body count, number of crimes he commits, and so forth. When you were raised on the Silver Age or later incarnation of the character, it's quite surprising to hear these old programs and realize that Supe wasn't always the Big Blue Boy Scout. And, it bears repeating: This is a kids' program, too.

Clark reports back to Perry White that Lois wasn't at Donelli's hideout. "How do you know?" demands White? "I, uh, just have a hunch," Clark backtracks. Perry wants to notify the police, but Clark talks him out of it in case something bad happens to Lois. Why is it, again, that no one manages to catch on that Clark Kent is really Superman? Although later characterizations portray him as a super-genius, here he just doesn't seem all that swift. He's been on earth for all of two months (in radio time), during which he's obviously managed to get a job and forge an identity for himself, but he still can't lie too convincingly. (Kids' program, kids' program.) Fortunately for Clark's alibi, the phone rings. It's Chip Donelli calling for Clark: "Is this Clark Kent of the Daily Planet?" he asks. "No, this is Clark Kent of the Gotham Gazette. You must have dialed the wrong newspaper," Clark doesn't answer. Superman is surrounded by morons. That must be how he gets away with such a transparent disguise.

Donelli threatens harm to Lois if anything about him gets printed in the paper, then hangs up. White, eavesdropping on another phone, has traced the call to a drugstore in the town of Little Falls. Clark makes a move to leave, but White and Jimmy both insist on going as well, thus putting the kibosh on any immediate Super-escapades.

At midnight, in a forest cabin outside Little Falls, Donelli and Spike wonder what's happened to someone named Tony, who should have been with them by then. I guess Tony is the goon who took the swan dive into Donelli's driveway. "Maybe he had a flat," suggests Spike. Ha ha, macabre dramatic irony! They have Lois tied up in a back room, but Spike unwisely left a briefcase full of incriminating paperwork in the room with her. They discover that Lois has managed to escape out a window, and taken the briefcase with her. Spike accidentally knocks over a kerosene lantern, setting the cabin and the woods on fire.

Will Lois survive the fire with the incriminating briefcase?

Can Clark, Jimmy, and Perry White get to her in time?

Will we ever hear from Lois, or will she be in the third person for the entire serial?

The answers to these questions, and more, coming soon!

Episode 30: Donelli's Protection Racket, Part 4 (1940/04/22)

Listen!

While their cabin and the surrounding woods burn, Donelli and Spike escape in their car. To make sure no one can put out the fire, which will destroy all the evidence of their crimes, Donelli has blocked the road with a large tree, booby-trapped with explosives. Then they are stopped by a tire blowout. At that moment, Perry White pulls up in his car (with Jimmy and Clark along for the ride) and asks directions to Little Falls. Donelli, recognizing Clark, decides to head back to Little Falls hoping to "knock off" the whole lot of them.

White and company pull up at a gas station to ask further directions, and the curmudgeonly attendant is able to give them the exact location of Donelli's cabin, inform them that the road is blocked, and confirm that Lois was with them (though they apparently left her behind at the cabin. Clark decides to walk to the cabin and rescue Lois, while White drives off to the nearest phone to call the police, and Jimmy stays at the gas station to watch the road in case Donelli and Spike come back. Clark instructs the gas curmudgeon to fire his gun into the air if Donelli's car comes back.

Clark changes to Superman and flies to Donelli's roadblock—a three-foot-diameter, 70-foot-long tree. Trying to throw it clear, he accidentally triggers Donelli's booby trap (which, fortuitously, throws the tree clear of the road).

As three gunshots boom out, Perry White pulls up in his car, and asks Clark (now back in his civvies) if he has seen Jimmy, who has left the gas station to follow Clark to the cabin. They realize that he has probably gotten lost in the woods, and with the fire spreading and Donelli on his way back, Perry and Clark start searching for him . . .

Will Perry and Clark rescue Jimmy in time?

Will Perry and Clark rescue Jimmy in time to rescue Lois?

Will Lois ever put in a personal appearance, or is "Donelli's Protection Racket" a juvenile fantasy adventure version of Waiting for Godot?

These two episodes present the Man of Steel at his most boneheaded since the North Star Mining Corporation story, in which he basically saved the day by accident. Most notably, he allows a goon to fall to his death rather than give up information that, as it happens, Perry White was able to get by tracing a phone call. Also, we are now four episodes into this serial—one hour of airtime, with commercials—and the co-star, Lois Lane, is still being only spoken of rather than heard, despite being a crucial part of the plot. I can only guess that Helen Choate, the actress who portrayed Lois for most of 1940, was on holidays that week.

Next week: The exciting story of Chip Donelli's protection racket concludes. Find out if Lois and Jimmy die!

Footnote

¹ Upon a repeat listening of this story, I'm becoming convinced that Donelli's actual first name (or nickname) is "Gyp," rather than "Chip." In the interests of political correctness, I'm going to stick with "Chip," for consistency. These Superman stories have enough bad ethnic stereotypes without adding to them. (Besides, "Roma" Donelli doesn't really have quite the same mellifluence.)

Enter: The Saint

As I mentioned on New Year's Eve, one of my better discoveries last year was The Saint. I was (vaguely) familiar with the old British TV series starring Roger Moore, having seen a few episodes now and then. But it wasn't until late last summer that I learned the Saint was a full-fledged media empire.

The Saint began as a series of novels and short stories by Chinese-British author Leslie Charteris, featuring his Robin Hood-like thief-detective, Simon Templar (aka the Saint). The first began with Enter—The Tiger!, published in 1928. Charteris wrote Saint stories until 1963, after which his name was used for many collaborations by multiple authors, until 1986. In the meantime, it spawned several movies, comic books, two TV series, and a radio serial.

Apart from the novels, it was the radio series that intrigued me most—especially after I discovered that amongst the several voice actors to play the debonair Saint was the legendary Vincent Price, somewhat before he became known for his roles in ironic horror movies. Mainly, though, what kept me interested was the dialogue. The writers have a certain flair for witty repartee, which is also the reason I'm such a big fan of the Coen brothers' films and Decoder Ring Theatre. Here is a wonderful bit of banter from an episode titled "Nineteen Santa Clauses" (which is dated in 1947, but I strongly suspect that not to be the case):

[The Saint is in his apartment, where he has changed into a Santa outfit for a charity event. His friend Louie the cabbie has come to pick him up. They are interrupted by a blonde with a gun.]

Blonde: Get in.

Louie: I'm already in!

Blonde: Back up.

Louie: Backin' up.

Blonde: Now reach, gents.

Saint: You know, that gun in her hand looks loaded.

Louie: Now that you mention—

Blonde: Reach!

Saint: For what?

Blonde: Uh, er, for the chandelier!

Saint: Can't.

Blonde: Why not?

Saint: No chandelier.

Blonde: Oh, a wise guy, huh?

Saint: If you're going to shoot me, I insist on knowing your name.

Blonde: Uh, just call me Sally.

Saint: Sally. And your last name?

Sally: Never mind that! How would you like to get plugged in the—in the—

Saint: Breadbasket?

Sally: Where?

Saint: Oh, let's pass lightly over that. I wouldn't like to get plugged anywhere!

Sally: Then shut up.

Saint: All right.

Sally: Where is it?

Saint: Uh, right down the hall, and—

Sally: Are you trying to be smart?

Saint: Not especially.

Sally: So it's gonna be like that, huh?

Saint: Like what?

Sally: Now you listen to me, Fats Boylen—

Saint: Huh?

Sally: Now you shut up, too.

Louie: I didn't say anything!

Sally: Well, shut up anyway.

Louie: I'm shuttin' up.

Sally: Uh—what was I saying?

Saint: You just finished calling me Fats Boylen.

Sally: That's right.

Saint: That's wrong. I'm not Fats Boylen.

Sally: Ha!

Saint: Well, it helps keep the conversation going, and—

Sally: Look, Fats, are you going to stop stalling and hand over the stuff, or will I have to shoot?

Saint: Since I am not Fats Boylen and I have no stuff to hand over, I'm afraid you'll have to shoot.

Louie: Mr. Templar! That could be fatal.

Sally: You keep quiet, punk.

Louie: Who's a punk?

Sally: You're a punk.

Louie: Mr. Templar, am I a punk?

Saint: Well, Sally is just a little confused this evening, Lou.

Louie: Confused or not, she shouldn't call me a—

Sally: [starts sobbing] Oh, shut up!

Louie: Well, you don't have to start bawling.

Sally: I am not bawling! I am . . . [trails off, bawling]

Saint: You were just about to shoot me.

Sally: Well, I know, but . . . then you'd bleed.

Saint: Oh, I'm sorry.

Sally: I can't stand the sight of blood.

Louie: Why dont you strangle him?

Saint: Louie, don't be unkind.

That stack of rapid-fire wordplay and double entendres takes place in just under two minutes.

All the known extant episodes of The Saint are available at the Internet Archive. Note that the collection includes repeat episodes, of which there are many, and as often as not under more than one title. Still, that leaves (by my estimation) about 30 distinct episodes of The Saint. Supposedly, some of the scripts were penned by Leslie Charteris himself, to take advantage of Vincent Price's particular talent.

Regular Saturday Serials will restart next Saturday, with the return of Superman.