October 27, 2005

Pop quiz!

Courtesy of MCF's Nexus of Improbability:

1) They're finally making the movie of your life and, after narrowing the role of YOU down to three actors, they've asked for your choice. Who are the three actors, and which person do you ultimately choose?

Well, Sean Connery is now retired, and Tom Cruise is too pretty. However, Michael Rosenbaum still resembles me, somewhat.

2) You're at a fancy restaurant with your significant other, when your arch nemesis shows up with his gang to rob the place. You left your costume home tonight, and you wouldn't want to reveal your true identity unless there was no other choice. How do you handle this one?

Easy. While pretending to cower under the table, I secretly explode their guns with my heat vision. At this point the other patrons, jaded by 9/11, will go Todd Beamer on the gang's sorry unarmed selves.

3) 4 +X/8=15Y-23Z; solve for each variable.

Solving equations in which x = 120y - 184z - 32 are against my religion. Even if I did have the other two equations a solvable system requires.

4) They're turning my blog into a sitcom! Quick, who's playing me?

Scott Baio.

5) What was the scariest moment of your life?

The time I was driving home one night and thought an oncoming 18-wheeler was in my lane. (It was an optical illusion due to a gentle curve in the road.)

6) After much thought and deliberation, you realize the best thing you can do with your life is form your own team of superheroes. Keeping in mind that you don't actually possess any powers or a dual identity in this scenario, how do you go about selecting your team,

Either by taking out a classified ad in the Fortean Times, or recruiting James Randi Challenge rejects.

what abilities do you look for in potential allies,

Obviously a wide variety of non-overlapping abilities and special powers are a must in order to be able to tackle the greatest number of challenges, but primarily I'd be looking to maximize our killing power.

and what do you call your group?

The Stark Blunt Instrument of Justice.

7) If a hypothetical train is traveling East at 70 MPH, and a hypothetical truck is traveling North at 55 MPH, then name 3 famous people you feel shouldn't be famous.

Paris Hilton, Cindy Sheehan, and Frederic Nietzsche.

8) A freak accident caused by lightning or radiation or genetic engineering or whichever origin suits you, bestows upon you the ability to step INSIDE your television set and interact with the characters. Where do you go first, and why?

Obviously, since I have been freakishly endowed with superpowers, my only recourse is to be the oblique cross-reference of the week in Smallville. Runner-up: haranguing Jean-Luc Picard until I am humiliated by his clear moral superiority.

9) After winning a karaoke contest, you're awarded the grand prize from a local radio station: you get to perform ONE song alongside your favorite group! Who do you sing with and what song?

I join Dire Straits and sing the "I want my MTV" bit on "Money for Nothing."

10) A blogger you read regularly posts a pop quiz. Do you take it? Please list your reasons either way.

I don't believe I read your blog regularly. Does that count as yes or no?

11) The quiz goes all the way up to 11.

Yes, it does.