January 24, 2005

And now . . . this

Hmmm. Maybe they wanted to go visit Punxsutawney Phil a few days early:

Three 11-year-old boys and a 10-year-old girl tried to hijack their school bus near Punxsutawney this morning.

State police said the four hatched the plot yesterday. Just after 8 a.m. today, one of the boys pulled a knife from a book bag and held it near another student. He demanded driver Janet McQuown, 52, stop and get off the bus.

A police news release says she pulled over along Pine Tree Church Road in Oliver Township and "the knife was removed from the juvenile's possession." It doesn't say how.

[Full Story]

Maybe something like this:

[Mrs. Crabtree from "South Park"]

Sit down and SHUT UP!!!

And . . . this: Funniest. Obituary. Ever.

Archibald "Archie" Bennitz passed away this week, but the big hockey fan, who was 84, didn't go quietly after having to put up with the indignity of an NHL lockout.

In fact, the former Royal Canadian Air Force mechanic, who was stationed in London during the Second World War, had NHL commissioner Gary Bettman and players union leader Bob Goodenow in his sights before he died, and let go a volley at the two that he told his son, David, could be repeated in his obituary.

"He asked that Mr. Bettman and Mr. Goodenow know that they are 'skunks' for denying him the pleasure of watching the NHL on TV this year," read his death notice in yesterday's Citizen. "He also asked that Mr. Bettman step aside and give Wayne Gretzky the job that rightfully belongs to him."

[Full Story]

FYI, here's the full text of the obit. Also, kudos to the late Mr. Bennitz for showing admirable restraint in his choice of epithets, especially considering he could have used something more colourful than "skunks" knowing he was going to get away with it for good.

(H/T to Cindy Swanson for cluing me in to this one. Imagine an Ottawa boy getting a tip on a local story by a resident of Illinois. I'm so embarrassed.)

And . . . even this: Anonymous Germans are making a striking statement about . . . something:

Police in Germany are hunting pranksters who have been sticking miniature US flags into piles of dog poo in public parks.

Josef Oettl, parks administrator for Bayreuth, said: "This has been going on for about a year now, and there must be 2,000 to 3,000 piles of excrement that have been claimed during that time."

Claimed? Are the little poo piles U.S. territory now?

Legal experts say there is no law against using faeces as a flag stand and the federal constitution is vague on the issue.

[Full Story]

Darn their lack of foresight!