January 08, 2009

And now . . . this - Jan. 8/09

Well, you do have to give People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) credit. They're trying. PETA wants to discourage you from eating fish. How? By calling for the renaming of an entire class of the animal kingdom to - get this - "sea kittens." The rationale, if you can call it that, is that if we associate fish with cute and fuzzy house pets, we won't want to eat them:

People don't seem to like fish. They're slithery and slimy, and they have eyes on either side of their pointy little heads—which is weird, to say the least. Plus, the small ones nibble at your feet when you're swimming, and the big ones—well, the big ones will bite your face off if Jaws is anything to go by.

Of course, if you look at it another way, what all this really means is that fish need to fire their PR guy—stat. Whoever was in charge of creating a positive image for fish needs to go right back to working on the Britney Spears account and leave our scaly little friends alone. You've done enough damage, buddy. We've got it from here. And we're going to start by retiring the old name for good. When your name can also be used as a verb that means driving a hook through your head, it's time for a serious image makeover. And who could possibly want to put a hook through a sea kitten?

The remainder of the Web site includes pleas to notify the U.S. Fish Sea Kitten and Wildlife Service to stop promoting fishing "sea kitten hunting," as well as wonderful, uplifting Sea Kitten Stories such as "Snuggle Buddies":

Tara the Tuna is frisky and playful, and she loves to squeeze herself into tight spaces and snuggle up close to her Sea Kitten pals.

But the conditions on the Sea Kitten factory farm where she loves are too cramped even for Tara. With no room to swim and no chance for escape, Tara looks forward to the end.

Liberal flakiness ought to be included in the DSM-V when it comes out.

I have a better idea. Instead of naming fish "sea kittens," why not expand your culinary horizons and call the other kind "land fish"?