Two unsightly pimples on the rear end of the Body of Christ

I clean expected that my first DIM BULB du jour would be a member of the Liberal Party of Canada. After all, between the "beer and popcorn" scandal, the Klander Slander scandal, and the income trust scandal, the current election campaign has certainly been a target-rich environment . . . to say the least.

However, the inaugural twofer of DIM BULBS du jour doesn't come from the hallowed halls of Canadian politics, but from the three-ring Big Top of American psycho-fundamentalism.

Our first low-wattage recipient is circus clown Pat Robertson, for his idiotic, ex cathedra pronouncement that God smote Israeli prime minister Ariel Sharon's stroke was divine retribution for his ceding the Gaza Strip to the Palestinians:

"He was dividing God's land, and I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the [European Union], the United Nations or the United States of America,'" Robertson told viewers of his long-running television show, "The 700 Club."

"God says, 'This land belongs to me, and you'd better leave it alone,'" he said.

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Robertson holds the same basic extreme philosemitic views held by most "prophecy" experts and Dispen-sensationalists: the modern secular nation-state of Israel is the equivalent of the biblical nation of Israel; furthermore, since God promised Canaan to Abraham, the Jews are entitled to that particular patch of real estate in perpetuity, and woe on anyone who would take it from them or, as a matter of internal Israeli government policy, give it up.

As a non-dispensationalist, I reject this view of Israel. A close reading of the Scriptures shows that every last promise made to Abraham, concerning land or otherwise, is declared fulfilled in its entirety. Furthermore, Israel's entitlement to Palestine was conditioned on their continued obedience to the statutes of God, whereas disobedience would result in curses and exile. The conquest of Israel in 722  by the Assyrians, and the subsequent destruction of Jerusaelem and depopulation of the kingdom of Judah in 586 by Nebuchadnezzar were direct consequences of the Israelites' apostasy. Given Paul's description of the Jews' rejection of Jesus their Messiah as disobedience (Rom. 10-11) and the fact that the modern state of Israel is, by and large, unbelieving, it's hard to understand how present-day Jews are entitled to Palestine any more than their idolatrous ancestors were.

My friend Rand, who is a Dispensationalist and believes that the land does belong to the Jews, nonetheless points out the presumption in reading God's mind and ascribing a particular motive to Sharon's affliction.

Our second circus freak is none other than Fred "God Hates Fags" Phelps of the infamous Westboro "Baptist" "Church" of Topeka, who has announced in one of his vitriolic press releases that 15 members of his "church" will be protesting the funerals of the 12 miners recently killed in West Virginia:

Thank God for 12 dead miners.

They died in shame and disgrace, citizens of a cursed nation of unthankful, unholy perverts who have departed from the living God to worship on "Brokeback Mountain," and who have replaced the Bible with "The Da Vinci Code.". . . .

Thank God for the lightning bolt that caused the explosion that trapped the Sago miners. God killed them and cast them into Hell. WBC will picket their funerals, warning sodomite America that West Virginia symbolizes this Hell-bound nation, and worse and more of it is on the way from God.

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Well, if Rand thought that Robertston was presumptious in declaring God's wrath on Ariel Sharon, I'm sure he would have a field day with Phred. It's not clear what connection 12 victims of a mining accident have with "sodomites," Brokeback Mountain, and The Da Vinci Code, except insofar as the Phredster will use any excuse to get more attention. Indeed, I do repent in dust and ashes for even mentioning him on this blog.

Phred's demise can't come soon enough for my taste, and the only thing that would make me happier is if crowds of protestors showed up for his funeral. He shouldn't exult over a lightning strike so much, lest the Almighty (who is not without a sense of irony) use the same means to bring an end to his wicked life.

Better yet, maybe God could strike Felps with Pat Robertson, and rid us of two nuisances.